Interesting read I will just place here and come back to at some pointhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/bunmi-laditan/im-done-making-my-kids-childhood-magical_b_5062838.html
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Finances and why all newlyweds need Dave Ramsey
Soo the issue of finances is huge..statistics show that 50% of divorced couples divorce because of finances.See article here http://www.examiner.com/article/finances-remain-leading-cause-of-divorce ..The book of Proverbs says the love of money is the root of all evil and in a marriage it can be the nail in the coffin. I think money says a lot about a lot of things..one thing pastor Selwyn always says is show me your check book and I will show you where you heart is..I am glad money for Dennz and I has never been a mine yours kinda gig. From the get go we knew if this thing was going to worj we would have to pool our (meagre) resources together.I mean the sad truth in America bills need to paid so it gets tricky when you are married and the partnership is still a roomate kind of partnerhship where you take care of the cable and I take care of the gas it makes for an awkward conversation when the heating bill comes and it has doubled. So anyway from the word go we brought it all on the table - literally your people will be my people you debt my debt kind of thing..So I guess the happy ground is finding what works for you as a newlywed couple - what works for one couple may not necessarily work for another couple..
So wha has helped a lot is a referral I got from a good friend of mine Beato - his name is Dave Ramsey. So we are taking a nine week long course on Financial Peace University and it has been life changing so far. I tell you my next wedding gift to a couple is registration for an FPU course.He gives nuggets on so many things on financial decisions - whether as a couple or as an individual I tell you Dave has saved my life...From budgeting, to investing, to cancelling debt this man is phenomenal...I will share little nuggets as we go along but so far the greatest assest has been the budgeting tool.Trust me I come from a background of living for the moment - enjoy now pay later kinda thing and trust me I am a child of my father in this aspect. It has cost us a lot - we had fun we travelled when we were young but heck we are paying later - story for another day...
But the short of the long finances are a huge hurdle in any marriage and I think as soon as they are squared out - yani what is the approach you are going to use to handling finances as a couple - the sooner the better - get it out of the way so you can get on to the more fun stuff - making babies , planning vacations etc..the better...his website is http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu to find a class next to you...
..
So wha has helped a lot is a referral I got from a good friend of mine Beato - his name is Dave Ramsey. So we are taking a nine week long course on Financial Peace University and it has been life changing so far. I tell you my next wedding gift to a couple is registration for an FPU course.He gives nuggets on so many things on financial decisions - whether as a couple or as an individual I tell you Dave has saved my life...From budgeting, to investing, to cancelling debt this man is phenomenal...I will share little nuggets as we go along but so far the greatest assest has been the budgeting tool.Trust me I come from a background of living for the moment - enjoy now pay later kinda thing and trust me I am a child of my father in this aspect. It has cost us a lot - we had fun we travelled when we were young but heck we are paying later - story for another day...
But the short of the long finances are a huge hurdle in any marriage and I think as soon as they are squared out - yani what is the approach you are going to use to handling finances as a couple - the sooner the better - get it out of the way so you can get on to the more fun stuff - making babies , planning vacations etc..the better...his website is http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu to find a class next to you...
..
Friday, October 3, 2014
How is Marriage life treating you??
So I started this blog coz I really have had no answer to the question that I keep getting asked,"How is marriage life?" I think I have coined a generic answer , " So far so good." What were we waiting for?"...I think it is such a weather questiion. Like seriously what do you expect me to answer and what will you do with my answer?? What if my response is I loathe it? Why did I get married?I think people are literally asking with an answer in mind alread.. But on the real I think its coz Dennis and I dated for a while marriage is/was like our next chapter. So I started this blog as my avenue my release to vent, share on some of the ups and downs of being a newlywed that maybe new brides are experiencing. So this is like marriage 101.. But on the real so far so good it has been different in a good way - the accountability, the partnership the ride or die kinda person to do life with - priceless...So marriage life to answer your question is an awesome work in progress. So sit back and enjoy the ride with us...
Thursday, September 18, 2014
June 14th 2014
6.14.14....Easily the happiest day of my life.. as cliche as it may sound this was the day I was happy and I mean happy from the inside out from 6am literally - the time I woke up until midnight...Like literally I was looking at the pictures the other day and actually watching the video and was laughing out loud like really laughing out loud...throwing fist pumps in the air clapping my hands out I tell you it was full of joy joy joy...You know how they say brides do not sleep the day before their wedding - well not me - again I am a sleep lover...but really the night before I slept like a log ...Looking back now at the whole planning process and the day of there are so many things I would advice any bride / groom planning a wedding...
Dont sweat (or loose sleep) over the small stuff...
It really is small stuff...the date will not matter - trust me there was a time we had gone from venue to venue asking if the date 6.14.14 is available just coz it had a good ring to it - the 14 and 14 - like looking back now I go like really?????
Party favors are just that - a favor - you do not owe anyone anything....I remember we had small chocolate flavored coins with our picture on them and the date and I think bakc now mmmh ordering the coins painstakingly putting the silver labels on almost 1000 coins really like really??and to think it was June they probably were melted by the time the arrived at the reception site..
If you cannot afford it forget it...Trust me I have no idea what comes over a bride and groom that one year that they are planning the wedding but trust me it is like an out of body (and senses) experience....you suddenly feel you can pay for anything and the only advice I can give stick within your lane...there is nothing cute about an expensive veil that is only won at the ceremony and is tucked away right after never to be seen again..
Comfort is everything!!!: I say again comfort is everything...Not even how you look as much as how you feel...yes I know you want the pics to look gorgeous and perfect (sic) but trust me there is nothing appealing about twisting an ankle walking down the aisle in expensive heels that cost an arm and a leg (pun intended) lol....My shoes (let me brag a bit) cost $20 - my best maid actually raised her eyebrows a bit and had suggested I find others however trust me I stayed with those shoes from noon to midnight dancing walking dancing some more...and my dress - I literally walked into a store and pulled it off the rack and trust me I was in that dress all day - did not need to change all I had to do was pin the bustle at the back at the reception and voila...
Silence all voices around you: (Everyone has an opinion on everything) There are only two voices you should be hearing as you plan your wedding - God and your soon to be spouse...Trust me everyone has something to say about YOUR wedding...because we are human and we are born with an opinion heck we have an opinion about if the sun will rise tommorrow...it is our nature...I am not saying do not listen or take advice - take everything with a grain of salt because trust me there are a million decisions if you stop and consult on everything and anything the stalling process will be overwhelming...Have one or two people -your go to people with your best interest at heart you can approach if you are hitting a dead end on ideas, need inspiration...
Be Aware of vendors:(And the word wedding): As you go shopping with your spouse...do not mention you are looking for flowers or shoes for a wedding. As soon as you say the W word eyes widen, ears perk up suddenly people sit up and pay some mind...Because I dunno what people assume with weddings - oh wait they already know with weddings the bride and groom is infected with that syndrome I have talked about up here - the I can do Bad afford it attitude...So be aware as you shop for vendors what you are looking for - what matters the most for you. For example pictures were huge for us so we really shopped around for a great photographer...Video - well not as much but I still feel we got a raw deal here...the limo oh em gee I did not care much for the limo but my goodness we got a mkokoteni we had to bend our knees inside no champagne no music - well the music was Jamin 945...well the little flower girls enjoyed...but heck shop around especially depending on the number of people the reception should be a place that could posisbly allow outside catering or will charge you cheaper per plate...
Go SMALL::This should actually be my first nugget...Less is definately more with a wedding however being the Africans we are it is almost impossible to get adapt this concept in a wedding...I would say Go small go intimate go small..Because let me guarantee you the reality of it all - let me see since the wedding we have actually sat down for a meal with mmmh I think 30 out of the 300 people who were at our wedding...that is 10% ...so what am I saying - 8 -10hours of a day is far less important than a lifetime..Invite or have friends to your wedding who will walk with you after the gifts are open, the music has been shut off and the cake is done - when real marriage begins..Friends who will hold you accountable to your walk and vows with each other. Friends who want the best of and from you as a couple. So I would say in retrosepct I would have loved to walk around each table and give everyone a hug but it was just impossible..but again I am an introvert as compared to my Man of the people hubby so I guess there had to be some compromise...
Seek Him: Seek God continously before during and after the wedding...Let him guide you because trust me it is stressful the weeks leading to the wedding you feel like driving to a DRive through chapel in Vegas...But God gives you such a peace...my encouragement came from the band Casting crowns...they literally released an album in the middle of the months we were wedding planning - we actually went for their concert,,,This album was like a God sent - no pun...The songs gave me strength on those days I would think what the heck is all this??Pre-marital counselling very important - ours was a bit hurried however our pastor still walks with us but what I can say is the most important nugget I took from pre-marital counselling is laying the expectation.You will be so surprised how you look at how your childhood upbringing and see how different it was from your spouse - what your mum did is not necessarily what his/her mum did...If the expectations are met before going into marriage then all the dissapointments that come with expectations not being met are negated..Little squabbles over hey but I used to see my mum doing all the cooking or my dad taking care of the bills are quelled before hand...
Have fun: Breathe sit back sleep and have fun...Trust me I was so chilled out the day before - but again I never panic that is my problem...So the day before is when I was lazily strolling in the mall getting my nails and eye brows done...just sleep rest, do not try new things..If fake eyeleashes are not your thing loose them...If you are not into make up forget it - dab on some powder and smile...My friend Beato gave me the best advice the day before the wedding...do not look bored...all the energy and I mean all the energy for the day radiates from the bride...a bored teary looking bride is evident from the moment you step on to the aisle and people feed off of that...There is nothing that can be done at that point the food may not be enough but again my other good friend Shingi told me if the food is the motivation for people to come to your event then they are there for the wrong reason so smile...!!!
Dont sweat (or loose sleep) over the small stuff...
It really is small stuff...the date will not matter - trust me there was a time we had gone from venue to venue asking if the date 6.14.14 is available just coz it had a good ring to it - the 14 and 14 - like looking back now I go like really?????
Party favors are just that - a favor - you do not owe anyone anything....I remember we had small chocolate flavored coins with our picture on them and the date and I think bakc now mmmh ordering the coins painstakingly putting the silver labels on almost 1000 coins really like really??and to think it was June they probably were melted by the time the arrived at the reception site..
If you cannot afford it forget it...Trust me I have no idea what comes over a bride and groom that one year that they are planning the wedding but trust me it is like an out of body (and senses) experience....you suddenly feel you can pay for anything and the only advice I can give stick within your lane...there is nothing cute about an expensive veil that is only won at the ceremony and is tucked away right after never to be seen again..
Comfort is everything!!!: I say again comfort is everything...Not even how you look as much as how you feel...yes I know you want the pics to look gorgeous and perfect (sic) but trust me there is nothing appealing about twisting an ankle walking down the aisle in expensive heels that cost an arm and a leg (pun intended) lol....My shoes (let me brag a bit) cost $20 - my best maid actually raised her eyebrows a bit and had suggested I find others however trust me I stayed with those shoes from noon to midnight dancing walking dancing some more...and my dress - I literally walked into a store and pulled it off the rack and trust me I was in that dress all day - did not need to change all I had to do was pin the bustle at the back at the reception and voila...
Silence all voices around you: (Everyone has an opinion on everything) There are only two voices you should be hearing as you plan your wedding - God and your soon to be spouse...Trust me everyone has something to say about YOUR wedding...because we are human and we are born with an opinion heck we have an opinion about if the sun will rise tommorrow...it is our nature...I am not saying do not listen or take advice - take everything with a grain of salt because trust me there are a million decisions if you stop and consult on everything and anything the stalling process will be overwhelming...Have one or two people -your go to people with your best interest at heart you can approach if you are hitting a dead end on ideas, need inspiration...
Be Aware of vendors:(And the word wedding): As you go shopping with your spouse...do not mention you are looking for flowers or shoes for a wedding. As soon as you say the W word eyes widen, ears perk up suddenly people sit up and pay some mind...Because I dunno what people assume with weddings - oh wait they already know with weddings the bride and groom is infected with that syndrome I have talked about up here - the I can do Bad afford it attitude...So be aware as you shop for vendors what you are looking for - what matters the most for you. For example pictures were huge for us so we really shopped around for a great photographer...Video - well not as much but I still feel we got a raw deal here...the limo oh em gee I did not care much for the limo but my goodness we got a mkokoteni we had to bend our knees inside no champagne no music - well the music was Jamin 945...well the little flower girls enjoyed...but heck shop around especially depending on the number of people the reception should be a place that could posisbly allow outside catering or will charge you cheaper per plate...
Go SMALL::This should actually be my first nugget...Less is definately more with a wedding however being the Africans we are it is almost impossible to get adapt this concept in a wedding...I would say Go small go intimate go small..Because let me guarantee you the reality of it all - let me see since the wedding we have actually sat down for a meal with mmmh I think 30 out of the 300 people who were at our wedding...that is 10% ...so what am I saying - 8 -10hours of a day is far less important than a lifetime..Invite or have friends to your wedding who will walk with you after the gifts are open, the music has been shut off and the cake is done - when real marriage begins..Friends who will hold you accountable to your walk and vows with each other. Friends who want the best of and from you as a couple. So I would say in retrosepct I would have loved to walk around each table and give everyone a hug but it was just impossible..but again I am an introvert as compared to my Man of the people hubby so I guess there had to be some compromise...
Seek Him: Seek God continously before during and after the wedding...Let him guide you because trust me it is stressful the weeks leading to the wedding you feel like driving to a DRive through chapel in Vegas...But God gives you such a peace...my encouragement came from the band Casting crowns...they literally released an album in the middle of the months we were wedding planning - we actually went for their concert,,,This album was like a God sent - no pun...The songs gave me strength on those days I would think what the heck is all this??Pre-marital counselling very important - ours was a bit hurried however our pastor still walks with us but what I can say is the most important nugget I took from pre-marital counselling is laying the expectation.You will be so surprised how you look at how your childhood upbringing and see how different it was from your spouse - what your mum did is not necessarily what his/her mum did...If the expectations are met before going into marriage then all the dissapointments that come with expectations not being met are negated..Little squabbles over hey but I used to see my mum doing all the cooking or my dad taking care of the bills are quelled before hand...
Have fun: Breathe sit back sleep and have fun...Trust me I was so chilled out the day before - but again I never panic that is my problem...So the day before is when I was lazily strolling in the mall getting my nails and eye brows done...just sleep rest, do not try new things..If fake eyeleashes are not your thing loose them...If you are not into make up forget it - dab on some powder and smile...My friend Beato gave me the best advice the day before the wedding...do not look bored...all the energy and I mean all the energy for the day radiates from the bride...a bored teary looking bride is evident from the moment you step on to the aisle and people feed off of that...There is nothing that can be done at that point the food may not be enough but again my other good friend Shingi told me if the food is the motivation for people to come to your event then they are there for the wrong reason so smile...!!!
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